How to Clean Your Butt The Right Way (Yes, You’re Probably Doing It Wrong)

It’s time to get real about something we all do but rarely talk about, keeping your butt clean. Sure, toilet paper gets the job “kind of done”, but if that’s your only plan, let’s face it: you’re missing out on a world of true cleanliness. Because, friends, wiping alone just doesn’t cut it. Welcome to the guide that’ll take your hygiene game from cave-dweller to spa-level clean.

Step 1: Accept That Toilet Paper Alone Just Isn’t Enough

Toilet paper is like using a dry sponge to clean a sticky mess. Sure, it’ll “sort of” help, but you’ll be left wondering if things are truly clean. If truth be told, we have all walked away from a session in the bathroom feeling less than clean. Let’s face it, no amount of scrubbing with dry paper can compare to a rinse. And here’s the kicker: toilet paper often leaves “more” behind than it removes. You’re essentially spreading things around, then hoping for the best. That’s where bidets come in.

Step 2: Meet the Bidet, the Hero of Hygiene

The bidet is the MVP of bathroom hygiene. Think of it as a mini shower for your butt. Instead of trying to wipe everything away, a bidet, like our Fanny bidets, use water, which is a game-changer. Imagine the freshness of a shower, but just for the parts that need it. With a gentle spray, you’ll be cleaner than toilet paper could ever get you, without the excessive wiping or the dreaded “did I get it all?” moment.

Plus, bidets are incredibly kind to your skin. No more irritation from repetitive wiping or that lovely chafing from harsh, dry 1-ply toilet paper you find in public bathrooms. It’s a lifesaver if you’re prone to sensitivity, hemorrhoids, or any other “perks” of regular wiping. Bidets clean without the rub, so your delicate areas stay happy.

Step 3: Wet Wipes – The Backup Plan

Not ready to commit to a bidet? Wet wipes can be a decent Plan B. They add moisture to your clean-up routine, which is already a huge upgrade over TP alone. But remember, not all wipes are created equal. Look for biodegradable, flushable options, like our Neatcheeks flushable wipes, if possible (or dispose of them properly), because regular wipes can cause plumbing nightmares.

However, wet wipes still don’t match the full rinse of a bidet. And if you’ve ever checked a wipe after “cleaning,” you’ll know they’re no miracle workers. They help, but they’re not the ultimate solution.

Step 4: Perfecting Your Technique (Yes, There’s a Right Way)

Whether you’re using a Fanny bidet or Neatcheeks flushable wipes, technique matters. Here’s the pro move if you’re using a bidet: sit comfortably, aim carefully, and adjust the water pressure. No need to blast yourself, it’s your backside, not a sidewalk! Our Fanny bidets allow you to adjust the angle and pressure of the spray. Just a light, steady rinse is all you need.

For single-nozzle bidets, avoid rinsing from back to front; it’s best to rinse each area separately to prevent any unwanted bacteria migration. If you’re using wet wipes, go easy and just dab, don’t scrub. Your backside is more delicate than you might think, and scrubbing too hard can cause irritation or even tiny tears in the skin. And please, whatever you do, don’t flush regular wipes unless they’re clearly marked “flushable” (and even then, proceed with caution, for the sake of your plumbing).

Step 5: Pat, Don’t Rub, to Dry

Once you’re rinsed, the final touch is a quick, gentle pat to dry. Use a small piece of Bambooty or Rebooty toilet paper, a personal towel, or even a bidet towel. Remember, you just pampered yourself with a rinse, so don’t undo it by rubbing harshly. Just a light pat is all you need to prevent any lingering moisture.

Step 6: Why Bidets Beat Toilet Paper Every Time

Here’s the truth: using a bidet is like upgrading from dial-up to high-speed internet. Some of us are still old enough to remember the AOL CDs and having to wait forever to connect to the interwebs. Bidets are faster, more effective, and leave you wondering why you didn’t make the switch sooner. Bidets are way more hygienic than toilet paper, better for the environment, and make you feel cleaner with every use. In fact, many bidet users say they “can’t and won’t go back” to toilet paper alone—it just doesn’t compare.

And let’s talk eco-friendliness for a second. Using a bidet significantly reduces your toilet paper use, which is a win for the planet. Toilet paper requires trees, water, and chemicals to produce, and the average person uses 20,000 sheets of TP per year. If you’re using bamboo toilet paper like our Bambooty or recycled TP like our Rebooty, you are ahead of the game as they are more eco-friendly and not to mention, PFAS-free. If you don’t know what PFAS are, click here if you dare. Bidets cut that way down, so you’re saving resources while keeping yourself fresh.

Special Benefits for Women

Ladies, let’s talk specifics. A bidet isn’t just cleaner; it’s a game-changer for daily hygiene. It’s especially helpful during your period, for post-sex clean-up, and postpartum care. A quick rinse is gentler and way more thorough than dry wiping alone. Plus, using a bidet can help reduce the risk of UTIs since you’re washing bacteria away rather than smearing it around. And for postpartum women, it’s far gentler on sensitive areas than toilet paper.

A New Standard for Clean

So there you have it: the blueprint for a truly clean behind. Toilet paper may have been doing a half-baked job for years, but the bidet is here to save the day. It’s kinder to your skin, leaves you truly fresh, and is hands-down more hygienic. Once you make the switch, you’ll wonder how you ever settled for less. Because, let’s be honest: life’s too short for mediocre hygiene. Embrace the bidet, and give your booty the VIP treatment it deserves.